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  • Writer's pictureNozibele Qamngana

"I'm HIV positive. And I'm not okay". A letter to a friend.

Daily, I receive tons of messages from friends from around the world. Friends who are seeking help.

I wish I had the manpower and the resources to reach out to everyone. I do try my best, but I realize that there’s more than can be done.

Then I thought I should use this platform and make this video, with the hope that it will reach that friend in need.

By virtue of being a channel that focuses on HIV awareness, I am speaking to you, who has recently been tested positive for HIV. This is my letter to you…

“There’s probably a lot running going through your mind. Anger. Disappointment. Hurt. Confusion. You don’t know whether you’re coming or going. It feels like you losing or you’ve lost part of yourself. The first thing I’m going tell you is… YOU ARE GOING TO BE OKAY! YOU ARE GOING TO BE OKAY!

You’ve replayed each memory in your head.

“I should have used a condom”

“We should have tested before we had sex”

“How could I be so naïve?”

“I thought he loved me”

“I thought she loved me”

The memories are so fresh and real, it sometimes feel like you’ve gone back in time and you can make a different decision. But you awakened by the reality that you can’t. You can’t go back. It is done. You are HIV positive.

There are so many questions you have. But the one that tops the list, “What now? Am I going to die?”

I won’t sit here and claim to have all the answers. But what I do know is that the power of your life and death lies with you.

Now is the time to FIGHT for your life like you’ve never done before.

Physically, you will probably be okay. With treatment fairly accessible around the world, you will be fine.

But take care of your heart. Take care of your mind. Take care of your soul. It’s those things left when left unattended that will leave you gasping for air. They will wake you up on the middle of the night, questioning your entire existence.

Take care of yourself.

Be easy on yourself.

Surround yourself with all that is good.

Forgive yourself.

Forgive them.

“When will it stop hurting?”

I don’t know. I really don’t know. I wish I could tell you that you’ll wake up tomorrow to a new person. But that would be unfair of me.

Let your whole healing process take its course. Do not rush it.

But do not stay there too long.

I can assure you that you will get there.

You will laugh again.

You will love again.

You will be reminded of all the things that will make you fall in love with life all over again.

The sound of rain by the windows, while snuggled up reading your favorite book.

The smell of freshly baked scones on a Sunday afternoon.

The unexpected feeling when your favorite song plays on the radio. And you dancing

barefoot in the kitchen, while making breakfast.

You will smell the flowers once again.

And if you ever doubt, you don’t need to look any further.

Look at me. I made it. You will too.

Your friend,


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1 comentario

10 ene 2021

Am on high pressure medication not even once have I thought of stopping taking my pill.

But sometimes I wish I could just stop taking my pill

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